Sucking Implosive Nothingness of Doom
by B1
Summary: After Dib threatens to explode his guts, Zim gets the idea of creating a black hole to do the opposite. The phrase "sucking chest wound" is always funny, but due to time constraints I was unable to work it in here. This story is complete.


(Ms. Bitters stands at the head of the class.)  
  
Ms. Bitters: And so, class, that was how Aristotle came to believe that maggots spontaneously generate in rotten meat, just as vile little children spontaneously generate in the corners of dirty homes.  
  
(Most of the class gazes at her blankly. Some of them are reading, or playing with puddles of their own spit.)  
  
Ms. Bitters: Let this be a lesson to you that all that can arise from a filthy world is more filth, as our society teeters on the brink of blah blah blah . . .  
  
(As Ms. Bitters' voice fades into the background, close-up on Zim, looking bored to death. Suddenly a crumpled-up piece of paper hits his head. Predictably, he leaps to his feet in fury.)  
  
Zim: Whooo?? WHO dares attack the mighty-  
  
(All the other kids, without looking up from their books and spit puddles, point straight at Dib.)  
  
Zim: Oh. Heh. Right.  
  
(He clears his throat, strikes another pose of vengeful fury, and points across the room at Dib. Dib has his arms folded on his desk and looks smug.)  
  
Zim: Youuu!! You, human filth-bunny, have given offense to ZIM and must suffer my vengeance! Do you have any statement to make before I turn your life into (lowers voice) a turmoil of all that is writhing and filled with dooky?  
  
Dib: Try reading the note.  
  
Zim: Note?? What note?! I know no note of your-  
  
(All the other kids point straight at the crumpled piece of paper on the floor.)  
  
Zim: Oh. Heh. I knew that.  
  
(He retrieves the paper, holding it between two fingers. Then he sits down to spread it ingenuously enough on his desk.)  
  
Zim: (reading under his breath) "Zim don't think you can get away with your evil, blah, blah blah, and so on, alien stuff you do, blah blah, and one day I will explode your guts out of you like an explody . . . potato."  
  
(Brief close-up of the note, with one of Dib's crude sketches of Zim on the autopsy table. Zim leaps up again.)  
  
Zim: Ohh, you think you can do your horrible potato things to ZIMMM?! I will do WORSE than merely explode you! I will . . . I will . . . (evil inspiration) I will IMPLODE your Dib-guts into a nothingness you cannot even imagine.  
  
(Behind him, the background changes briefly to a swirl of fire and darkness, all appearing to shrink in on itself implosively. Zim laughs wicked-like.)  
  
Zim: No one threatens Zim! NO ONE!!  
  
(The background goes back to normal. All the other kids point straight at Ms. Bitters, who's behind him. He looks around and she growls at him hideously, gritting her rat-like teeth. Zim gulps, just a bit.)  
  
(Cut to later that day, deep in Zim's secret lair, where he contemplates a computer screen, scrolling through various items.)  
  
Zim: Hmm, implosions, implosions. Let's see . . . "Magical Implosion Pills! Turn cows inside out!" Not painful enough. . . . "Ichor-Sucking Vort Leeches" . . . But those take a week just to pupate. I want vengeance NOW!  
  
(He slams his fist on the keyboard, causing the screen to scroll down. He peers at it and reads.)  
  
Zim: Aha . . . "Instant Black Hole! Want to make your enemies, and possibly large sectors of your galaxy, collapse into a gravitational field strong enough to suck up light and sound? Just activate this doodad and stand way, way back. Warning: May cause hideous, blah, blah . . ." (reads rapidly under his breath) ". . . potentially destroy whole planets, solar systems, etc., plus possible side-effects of blah, blah, doom, irreversible catastrophe, blah, blah blah, batteries not included." Ooh, free shipping!  
  
(Cut to a distant planet. Glowing caption lettering reads "Planet Cataloguia." The surface of the planet is festooned with glowing billboards that show cheerful aliens holding up products and waving. A cannon emerges from it on a long mechanical arm, aims, and shoots a package. A close-up of the package as it flies through space shows that it reads "Express Delivery: ZIM.")  
  
(Cut to nighttime, outside the house of Dib. Through Dib's window he appears to be sleeping peacefully. Then the camera tilts down to find Zim and GIR, out of disguise, sneaking around the house. Zim wears goggles and holds a small black object. They approach a window, speaking in low voices.)  
  
Zim: This won't take long. We plant the black hole device in Dib's disgusting food-matter and leave.  
  
GIR: Can I swallow a black hole too?  
  
Zim: (pensive) Someday, GIR, I will arrange for a black hole to swallow you.  
  
GIR: (pumps both fists in the air) Yayyy! (starts doing a tiny "GIR rocks" dance) Doo doo de doo . . .  
  
Zim: Quiet, GIR! This should be a standard infiltration of the Dib-house. Just like when we replaced his "soap" with that cheese-bacon-chalk you made. (snickers) He was stinky.  
  
GIR: When I eat soap the humans run screaming. (his tongue pokes out as he smiles)  
  
Zim: I'll go in. You guard here in case anyone sees us!  
  
GIR: (glowing red) Yes, my master!  
  
(Zim uses his spider-legs to cut the window open and climb in. GIR stands outside, his eyes blinking back to blue, and stands still for a moment. Then puts his arms straight out to either side and snakes both hands back towards his head, making them snap open and shut like alligator mouths. The hand-mouths divebomb his head, and he giggles.)  
  
GIR: Squirrels.  
  
(Inside the house, Zim enters the dark kitchen and looks around.)  
  
Zim: Hmm . . . human food, human food. No difficulty! I am an expert on such things.  
  
(He opens the fridge and recoils from the sudden light, and probably from the smell of fridgemeats.)  
  
Zim: Ehngh!  
  
(He closes it and tries a cabinet. He looks from one end of the cabinet to the other, baffled but trying not to show it.)  
  
Zim: So many food-filthies! I must find an item Dib will be sure to ingest within the next twenty-four hours. Eh . . .  
  
(He pulls something out at random. It's a box of Frankenchokey cereal. Extreme close-up on the scary Frankenchokey face. Unnerving background music goes here. Zim gasps and drops the box, spilling bits of sugary cereal.)  
  
Zim: Surely even Dib cannot be planning to eat this horror!  
  
Computer voice: Alert, Membrane. Household security breach, kitchen sector.  
  
Zim: Oh, no!  
  
(He holds up a small black object in his hand, presses a button on it, drops it into the cereal box, puts the box back, then runs for it. A moment later Professor Membrane enters the now-empty kitchen, wearing his usual labcoat and goggles and looking dangerous. The professor looks around puzzled.)  
  
(Extreme close-up inside the cereal box shows a small black object with a blinking red light on the side. Ominous music. Fade to black.)  
  
(White letters on a black background read "THE NEXT DAY.")  
  
(Morning at Dib's house. Dib and Gaz sit eating breakfast in the kitchen. Dib holds a copy of Weeky World Spookies in one hand.)  
  
Dib: (talking around a mouthful of cereal) So they found what they think is a bat-human hybrid in a cave, and this family adopted it and taught it to sing showtunes, but then-hey, what's that?  
  
(He picks a small object out of his cereal bowl. A close-up shows a label that says "Frankenchokey Novelty Items-Collect Them All! May Be a Choking Hazard. Not a Marshmallow.")  
  
Dib: Oh, it's one of those useless prizes they put in cereal.  
  
(He presses a button on the side. The object extends tiny mechanical wings and flies out of his hand. Dib watches as it buzzes around the kitchen, flies into the lamp, makes a sizzling sound, and falls back on the table, burnt to a little crispy thing.)  
  
Dib: Stupid Frankentoy.  
  
(Close-up on Gaz. She pokes at something in her own bowl. It's a round black device with a label that says "Instant Black Hole," plus a blinking red light. Small as it is, the thing is far too big for anyone to swallow accidentally. She picks it out, squints at it for a second, throws it over her shoulder into the trash, and resumes eating.)  
  
(External shot of Dib's house, time-lapse. The sun vanishes out of the scary red sky and is replaced by the moon. Inside, Dib walks into the kitchen, whistling to himself. Close-up on his face as he stops in his tracks and looks confused. Then he calls over his shoulder.)  
  
Dib: Hey Gaz?  
  
(In the next room, Gaz grunts.)  
  
Dib: The trashcan used to be in the corner under that picture of Dad, didn't it?  
  
Gaz: (off-screen) Yeah, so?  
  
Dib: It's kind of . . . missing. (takes a step back) And there's this pulsating pit of black void where it used to be.  
  
Gaz: Lemme see.  
  
(A shot of the kitchen. A bunch of good ominous music plays. There is indeed a big circle of black void there. Dib is standing a safe distance from it. Gaz pokes her head into the kitchen, sipping a soda.)  
  
Dib: (nervous) See? The light's even sort of bending towards it.  
  
(Gaz squints at it speculatively for a moment, then tosses her empty soda can in. It vanishes instantly into the darkness. She shrugs.)  
  
Gaz: It's just as good.  
  
Dib: Gaz, it's a black hole! I'm sure of it!  
  
Gaz: (automatic, bored) Your head is a black hole.  
  
(She leaves. Dib just looks at the . . . whatever it is . . . and shivers.)  
  
(White lettering on a black background: "THE DAY AFTER THAT.")  
  
(Another morning in the Dib house. A calendar on the wall says "Saturday." Dib comes into the kitchen and gasps. Cue dramatic music. The hole has grown. Where once there was a sink and a bunch of the cabinets, there is now blackness. Also, all the light rays are definitely bending towards it, as though being sucked in. Dib watches as a couple of floor tiles disappear as well. His clothes and hair are pulling towards the hole, like magnets. He gasps.)  
  
Dib: Dad! Gaz! The kitchen is disappearing!  
  
(New scene, with Professor Membrane examining the situation from a slight distance. His spike of hair points towards the hole like a charmer's snake.)  
  
Professor Membrane: (rubbing his chin sagely) A spontaneous black hole. A statistically improbable event.  
  
(Dib looks up at him and raises an eyebrow, perhaps finding this just a bit unhelpful. Gaz walks in, sleepy-eyed.)  
  
Gaz: What's going on?  
  
(Her skull necklace drifts away from her neck, pulling towards the hole. As she speaks, the whole refrigerator slips, crumples like a milk carton, and disappears into the blackness. Her eyes go wide and her mouth opens.)  
  
Dib: (to his father, frowning) Do you think it could have been planted? Can somebody make a black hole?  
  
Professor Membrane: (shaking his head) That would be far beyond present human technology, son.  
  
Dib: (darkly, in close-up) Human technology . . .  
  
Zim: (voice-over flashback) I will IMPLODE your Dib-guts . . . ! (the word "implode" echoes dramatically)  
  
(Dib gets that hopelessly determined look and runs out of the house. More ominous music. I like ominous music.)  
  
Gaz: (off-screen; screaming) The fridge . . . NO!!  
  
(Dib runs down the sidewalk. His running becomes labored, and his coat billows back as though in a strong wind.)  
  
Dib: The hole . . . It's still . . . expanding!  
  
(He glances over his shoulder and gasps to see his whole house implode and vanish into the growing circle of darkness. The ominous music swells with doominess.)  
  
Dib: (scared) Dad? Gaz?? (keeps running) You're gonna pay, Zim!  
  
(Behind him, the hole keeps expanding. Trees go whooshing into it, also the occasional squirrel. A balloon-selling man with a clown nose walks down the sidewalk, and one by one his balloons slip away and zip into the abyss. His clown nose comes off and goes the same way. He turns around in confusion, appears to scream, and then gets sucked in headfirst. Dib seems to be finding it harder and harder to run.)  
  
(Meanwhile, Zim is taking GIR for a walk, wearing his beard and flowered hat. Dib, approaching, sees the familiar green dog, then recognizes his disguised enemy.)  
  
Dib: Zim!  
  
(GIR waves. Zim's eyes widen as he sees Dib come running up. He glances down apprehensively at his little-old-man disguise.)  
  
Zim: (thought voice-over) I knew I should have worn the bear suit today.  
  
(Dib braces himself against the pull of gravity, ignoring Zim's odd costume, and yells.)  
  
Dib: ZIM! Make it stop!  
  
(But his voice sounds odd, half-muted, as though being snatched out of the air. At the same time, the scary music begins to trail off shakily to an eerie silence.)  
  
Dib: (voice dwindling to nothingness) Take the black hole thingy back! (puts a hand to his throat and realizes what's happening) It's sucking the sounds out of the air!  
  
Zim: (thought voice-over) The Earth-boy's voice is sick. The black hole thingy must have worked its way into his filthy innards. Hee, I'll just pretend my voice doesn't work either.  
  
(Dib waves his arms and appears to yell with all his might.)  
  
Dib: (almost inaudible) ZIM! YOU HAVE TO REVERSE THIS THING SOMEHOW!  
  
(Zim clutches his own throat and pretends he can't talk.)  
  
Zim: (mouthing the words elaborately and silently) Oh, my poor normal human throat! It has collapsed in on itself! I cannot talk my filthy worm words anymore. Pooh.  
  
(Nothing can be heard at all. The cars and houses are quiet. The birds have stopped singing, and in fact one or two of them get sucked out of the air as though by the wind.)  
  
Dib: (even more weakly than before) THE BLACK HOLE! LOOK . . . OVER . . . THERE! (points wildly, looking like a crazy boy)  
  
(Close-up on Zim, who snickers at him silently. He's still hanging onto GIR's leash, and doesn't appear to notice that it's pulling away from him, off-screen. Close-up on GIR, who's floating sideways in mid-air. GIR looks around.)  
  
GIR: (thought voice-over) I'm a penguin! (wriggles with glee)  
  
Dib: (screaming silently) IT'S OUT OF CONTROL, ZIM!  
  
(He falls to his knees to clutch the sidewalk against the immense gravity. A chicken goes flying by, looking alarmed. The silence is absolute.)  
  
Zim: (thought voice-over) Are all humans this annoying when they start to implode? (beat) Wow! That's a strong wind.  
  
(Zim turns and attempts to walk away in a dignified manner. Suddenly he realizes he can hardly walk, and gasps as he falls on his butt, GIR's leash still pulling away behind him. His hat falls off and is whisked away, revealing his antennae. Zim looks irritated and a bit confused. He turns around as though about to yell at GIR, and suddenly the leash slips out of his hand.)  
  
(Close-up on Zim looking up and gasping. His eyes go wide in terror, and in dead silence he screams. Slam to black.) 


End file.
